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calm blue ocean

I can't believe nobody has snarked this story yet

Posted by lederhosen on 2012.01.22 at 08:06
Tags: , , ,
From now on, I'm going to use the word "gingrich" to mean "retcon cheating into an open marriage".* Example usage:

"I thought I could never live with Tom again, after he betrayed my trust by screwing around with his secretary. But then our pastor suggested we go on a retreat to gingrich our marriage. We took his advice, and now we couldn't be happier! It turns out Tom wasn't lying to us all that time, he just figured out that we were polyamorous before I did!"

*In fairness, I note that Newt has denied allegations that he attempted, even retroactively, to negotiate a honest open marriage. Leaving only the bit where he cheated on his wife for six years (with a staffer) and then abandoned her when she got sick.


Sarcasticia Nitpickerson
tisiphone at 2012-01-21 22:35 (UTC) (Link)
I'd just prefer to not think about Newtie having sex, ever.
Art Black
lederhosen at 2012-01-21 23:44 (UTC) (Link)
I will say, things like this make me glad I don't have a strong visual imagination.
Mr. Dr. Grumpy Mister, M.D. aka the Twelfth Doctor
kwanboa at 2012-01-22 00:05 (UTC) (Link)
South Carolina clearly likes the idea.
Sarcasticia Nitpickerson
tisiphone at 2012-01-22 00:07 (UTC) (Link)
I'm happy to extend my aversion to the entirety of South Carolina.
The ravenous bugblatter beast of Traal
red_girl_42 at 2012-01-22 00:32 (UTC) (Link)
It boggles the mind that there are women...MULTIPLE women...who actually chose to have sex with him.

Also, I cannot imagine calling out "Oh, Newt!" in bed.
furrygreen at 2012-02-23 14:13 (UTC) (Link)
Moooooooooooooooooeny! Maybe the wives take his Viagra and replace it with tictacks. PROBLEM SOLVED!
Data Magpie
tylik at 2012-01-22 02:05 (UTC) (Link)
But might this not be an asset in disguise? If you can just set up a situation in which at them time they are contemplating breaking agreements around sex they think of Newtie having sex... well! A more honest world for everyone.

Or some kinks I don't even want to know about.
furrygreen at 2012-02-23 14:12 (UTC) (Link)
OMG! No kidding. Cottage cheese face brings nightmares just looking at him. The idea of seeing the rest of him is... well, even considering that makes me want to find a bridge to jump off at.
The ravenous bugblatter beast of Traal
red_girl_42 at 2012-01-22 00:33 (UTC) (Link)
Isn't he one of those people claiming that legalizing gay marriage would create a slippery slope leading to all sorts of horrors such as--gasp!--polygamy? Seems like he ought to welcome that.
singingdragon at 2012-01-22 01:25 (UTC) (Link)
Oh, he doesn't want to marry multiple women. He only needs one at a time to look ornamental at political rallies and fundraisers. The rest are just for sex.
jenk at 2012-01-22 03:19 (UTC) (Link)
From elsewhere: A "swingrich" is a CPOS masquerading as a swinger/polyamorous person. "I thought he was ethically nonmonogamous but he was just a swingrich."

(CPOS = cheating piece of shit.)
rednikki at 2012-01-22 04:41 (UTC) (Link)
I approve of the coining of both of these words.

Edited at 2012-01-22 04:41 am (UTC)
Art Black
lederhosen at 2012-01-22 08:43 (UTC) (Link)
Ooh, I like! I'd seen some of DS' commentary on this issue, but not that article.
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