zem ([info]hitchhiker) wrote in [info]dot_poly_snark,
2005-06-17 23:28:00
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by popular demand...

It wasn't easy,

TTTO "Be our Guest", from "Beauty and the Beast"

Need a slave! Need a slave!
Need a sub who will behave
Must be keen to learn, well mannered and
A lass I can deprave
Online chat
D/s play
Want to know me? That's the way!
Then, if you do not appall me
I might even let you call me
Real life meets? So one hopes
I must show you all the ropes
Let me tell you the behaviours that I crave
And if I list them out
I should leave little doubt
I need a slave
Need a slave
Be my slave

Anal plugs
Bondage (light)
Bondage (heavy, day-and-night)
Masturbation, penetration
The occasional hard bite
Being lent
Getting laid
Chores and serving as a maid
Exhibitionism, beating
Controlled bathroom use and eating
Cattle prods! Anal play
Lots of sex, both straight and gay
And of course I would require you to shave
If that sounds good to you
Come on and join the queue
To be my slave
Be my slave
Be my slave

Be my slave! Be my slave!
And your pathway I will pave
I can pay to ease your way
Right from the cradle to the grave
Full time job? College fees?
Work at anything you please
Pocket money, per requirement
And a fund for your retirement
Rent free stay, use of car
I can really take you far
And all that you have to do is catch the wave
It can be really great
To have a Dominate
So be my slave, be my slave, be my slave

Be my slave, be my slave
I'm no bounder, cad or knave
You can play in perfect safety
In your cosy little cave
I'll be firm, I'll be kind
All your needs I'll keep in mind
From emotional to sexual
(What do you mean, "intellectual"?)
Like a flower you can bloom
You'll have lots of growing room
Though of course your independence you must waive
Now surely such a deal
Is bound to have appeal
To any slave
Be a slave
Be my slave!

Folks can be derisive
To a Dom with no submissive
He's not whole without a role he can assume
Ah, you say, I have my wife and children?
Yes, but they have lost their springlike bloom
Journals I've been trolling
And communities enrolling
In my quest to find the bestest sub around
Who could know that folks would be so boorish?
Carping, mean and mocking
Well, I find that rather shocking!

"Need a slave? Need a slave?
Sorry, cannot do that, Dave!
You're a swine who's out of line
Now please don't whine or misbehave"
Is that so? They shall see
They should not have messed with me!
I won't be the one to blink first
I shall teach them all to think first!
I shall sue Six Apart
Till they hand them down a lart
They'll be banned without a chance their blogs to save
Then I'll resume my search
Until I find my virtuoso slave
Be my slave
Be my slave
Please, be my slave!!!


Thanks to everyone who suggested rhymes :)

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[info]chaosdancer

June 17 2005, 18:12:31 UTC 6 years ago

YES!!! Wonderful!! You totally rock! :) Thanks for finishing it. I see some of my words in there too. :)

One thing - derisive and submissive...are they supposed to rhyme? I think I've been pronouncing one of them wrong if they do.

[info]hitchhiker

June 17 2005, 18:16:29 UTC 6 years ago

Thanks :) It was very satisfying to finish, too. "Derisive" and "submissive" do rhyme in my dialect (Indian English), and answers.com suggests both ways are fine.

[info]kangetsuhime

6 years ago

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[info]hitchhiker

6 years ago

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[info]klwalton

June 17 2005, 18:13:04 UTC 6 years ago

I'm crying in hilarity - this is *so* wonderful! :):):)

[info]hitchhiker

June 17 2005, 18:16:51 UTC 6 years ago

I'll admit, I hugged myself once or twice :)

[info]asimovberlioz

6 years ago

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[info]hitchhiker

6 years ago

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[info]medancer

6 years ago

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[info]hitchhiker

6 years ago

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[info]medancer

6 years ago

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[info]hitchhiker

6 years ago

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[info]kshandra

6 years ago

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[info]hitchhiker

6 years ago

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[info]mactavish

6 years ago

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[info]joedecker

June 17 2005, 18:25:39 UTC 6 years ago

*bows*

[info]starcat_jewel

June 17 2005, 18:28:17 UTC 6 years ago

Memories engaged!

[info]technomom

June 17 2005, 18:30:47 UTC 6 years ago

I do hope you've posted this in the filk communities, too :-)

[info]hitchhiker

June 18 2005, 13:32:29 UTC 6 years ago

posted it to [info]filk at least :)

[info]mama_hogswatch

June 17 2005, 18:41:13 UTC 6 years ago

*blink*

I... am... in... awe.

You've startled me into ellipse abuse!

[info]hitchhiker

June 18 2005, 13:32:05 UTC 6 years ago

Re: *blink*

thanks :)

[info]ame_chan

June 17 2005, 18:43:57 UTC 6 years ago

beautiful. Just beautiful!!!

[info]hitchhiker

June 18 2005, 13:31:02 UTC 6 years ago

thanks :)

[info]rosefox

June 17 2005, 18:55:49 UTC 6 years ago

I laughed out loud, while at work (which I take pains never to do when reading something racy online, as people then ask "What's so funny?"), at "It can be really great / to have a Dominate" and again at "Sorry, cannot do that, Dave!".

Bravo.

[info]hitchhiker

June 18 2005, 13:30:51 UTC 6 years ago

i'm flattered! (:

Deleted comment

[info]medancer

June 17 2005, 19:30:16 UTC 6 years ago

WANT STITCH ICON PLEASE!!!!!!!

[info]hitchhiker

6 years ago

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[info]snowwy

June 17 2005, 19:02:07 UTC 6 years ago

I have stood in the presence of pure genius. My life will never be the same. An honor, and an extreme pleasure, it was, and is, to read your work.

Hmmm, how else can I overuse commas? :)

[info]hitchhiker

June 18 2005, 13:30:25 UTC 6 years ago

thanks :) and commas are *there* to be abused.

[info]singingdragon

June 17 2005, 19:12:33 UTC 6 years ago

Clever... and so wrong... and so wonderful.

Giggle.

[info]hitchhiker

June 18 2005, 13:29:30 UTC 6 years ago

thanks :)

[info]arianrhodstorm

June 17 2005, 19:21:15 UTC 6 years ago

ouch..

pain.. must.. stop.. laughing.. coworkers.. are.. starting.. to.. wonder..

[info]hitchhiker

June 18 2005, 13:26:49 UTC 6 years ago

Re: ouch..

(:

[info]rampling

June 17 2005, 19:34:15 UTC 6 years ago

Fabulous!!! Rhyming Six Apart with lart is just pure genius! And, oh the perfection of "It can be really great/To have a Dominate"!

[info]starcat_jewel

June 17 2005, 20:57:43 UTC 6 years ago

Not to mention the Lehrer-ish enjambment of "search" and "vir-tuoso"!

[info]hitchhiker

6 years ago

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[info]hitchhiker

6 years ago

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[info]catmcroy

June 17 2005, 21:37:47 UTC 6 years ago

I am IN LOVE.

[info]hitchhiker

June 18 2005, 13:20:27 UTC 6 years ago

thanks :)

[info]volcgrrl

June 17 2005, 22:13:30 UTC 6 years ago

Found this via [info]jennkitty, and I just had to say that I'm practically crying, I'm laughing so hard. Well done!

[info]hitchhiker

June 18 2005, 13:20:07 UTC 6 years ago

thanks :)

[info]tikvah

June 17 2005, 23:11:33 UTC 6 years ago

Absolutely fantastic!

[info]hitchhiker

June 18 2005, 13:19:56 UTC 6 years ago

thanks (:

[info]tisiphone

June 17 2005, 23:45:38 UTC 6 years ago

Aspirate... curry... ow... gods...

Brilliant.
*lays laurels at your feet*

[info]hitchhiker

June 18 2005, 13:19:39 UTC 6 years ago

thanks (:

[info]kaikias

June 18 2005, 00:36:24 UTC 6 years ago

OMG the wrongness. ♥

[info]hitchhiker

June 18 2005, 13:19:27 UTC 6 years ago

:)

[info]lederhosen

June 18 2005, 01:14:34 UTC 6 years ago

*snurk* :-) Now I wish I was more familiar with the original...

[info]hitchhiker

June 18 2005, 13:19:02 UTC 6 years ago

snag an mp3 - it's a brilliant song! actually go see "beauty and the beast" again!!

[info]hammercock

June 18 2005, 02:17:58 UTC 6 years ago

Fucking. Brilliant. I am in awe. :)

[info]hitchhiker

June 18 2005, 13:18:31 UTC 6 years ago

thanks (:

[info]janusmaybe

June 18 2005, 04:00:29 UTC 6 years ago

I think I'm in love :)

[info]hitchhiker

June 18 2005, 13:18:09 UTC 6 years ago

thanks - i try (:

[info]ms_interpret

June 18 2005, 19:59:22 UTC 6 years ago

I think you outdid yourself! And that's quite a feat! :)

[info]hitchhiker

June 18 2005, 20:05:19 UTC 6 years ago

aw - thanks (: i really didn't expect this one to be so massively popular.

[info]sunnydale47

6 years ago

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[info]hitchhiker

6 years ago

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[info]griffen

June 18 2005, 21:16:19 UTC 6 years ago

*is rolling on the floor laughing helplessly*

[info]hitchhiker

June 18 2005, 21:20:00 UTC 6 years ago

:)

[info]deltashade

June 19 2005, 00:41:17 UTC 6 years ago

Christ, it's even more hilarious if you sing it! XDD

(Here by way of metaquotes.)

[info]hitchhiker

June 19 2005, 17:39:47 UTC 6 years ago

thanks :) and yeah, it definitely loses something if you don't know the tune.

[info]ginalin

June 19 2005, 02:15:09 UTC 6 years ago

That was exquisite!

[info]hitchhiker

June 19 2005, 17:39:56 UTC 6 years ago

thanks! (:
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